Where Do the Years Go

I haven't updated in months. My updates for 2008 didn't amount to much. I don't have huge plans for that to change in 2009.

Overall, I'd like to think I have become a bit of a different person since starting this blog. It's a tough thing to quantify. A few months ago a female friend I see once a month or so (while we're both out drinking) mentioned that I'd seemed different over the past few months. That I had more confidence - a different air about me. I was happy she noticed and even happier she shared it with me. It put me in a great mood for the rest of the day.

I became more comfortable with myself in 2008. I talked to more strangers in 2008. I had more sex in 2008. I'd like to see these trends continue.

Toward the end of the summer another friend, whom I hadn't seen in years, mentioned that I seemed like a much different person. I hadn't seen her since 2004. She found me more outgoing, more full of life. Basically, I think she was impressed to see that I'd become more of a person worth hanging around. While she and her husband were spending time with mutual friends, it was said to them that I was too much of a "player" for any of her single friends! So ridiculous! Just because I shared one story about a fun-filled day of pancakes, seduction and milkshakes.

I think all of this progress with my confidence and comfort level stems from thinking about who I am and what I want. And then taking actual steps to get there. Thinking through situations and actually introducing myself to people. And, during conversation, sharing stories and listening for good stories.

Hopefully, there are many more good stories to come.

Twitter

I've decided to start using Twitter. Seems like it might be fun. My twitter posts can be found here.

Summer Nap

Maybe I'm coming out of a summertime nap. I'm in the mood to start writing again. And maybe in the mood to have adventures for the first time in my life.

A few nights ago I was having a conversation with a friend and I asked if he ever got on those rolls where he was just making out with a lot of women (a lot for us, meaning two or three over the course of a few days). They only last a week or so for me. And I only find myself in that situation every 8 months (if I'm lucky). He had no idea what I was talking about. And, sadly, by talking about it, I knew I was coming out of that brief stint. It's been three days and I'm going to get myself back into that mood.

The other day while walking to work I decided instead of saying everything is coming up roses, I would start saying everything is coming up walk signals. Because they were. Coming up. Walk signals. It was a fantastic feeling to the morning. At that point I thought Labor Day weekend was going to be full of dating. It wasn't, though. I want to have that feeling all the time.

a side job

Sometimes I wonder if I could find a job being a phone & internet based dominant male for women who enjoy having a master. I assume women don't pay for those sorts of sexual activities.

I have trouble with focus

A few days ago Bad Man asked why there are so few male sex bloggers. The answers he and those in the comments provide seem to have some backing and I'm not sure if I have more to add to that. If I could stay focused on one topic on a regular basis, I know I would love to have a sex blog. If I were having sex on a regular basis, I might even have fodder for a sex blog. As it is, I'll have to try to get by with an occasional masturbation blog entry.

This morning's paragraph might read:

Jerked off last night even though I told myself I wouldn't. Why is it at the later hours when I'm at the computer my left hand inevitably falls into my lap. And I'm never wearing pants. And, whoa, how did that happen? My right hand has led me to some sort of website with naked women. I should stop pretending that all this happens in a blink of an eye and without my knowledge. I take my time getting worked up online and I often try to incorporate a few folks I trade IM's with into my fantasies. Of course, last night was about watching little flash videos then coming really hard and falling right to sleep.

Headache

I think I have a headache caused by caffeine withdrawal. I didn't realize I was drinking that much soda lately - a Diet Dr. Pepper here, a Diet Dr. Pepper there. I guess it started to add up. I'm certain this headache has nothing to do with drinking too much bourbon last night. If three bourbons was too many, then it's time to stop drinking.

I'm not dating anyone. There is no dating on the horizon. I ate pizza for dinner last night and pizza for dinner again tonight. I am falling apart and I don't know how to break out of this spiral.

My plans for scrubbing away the old me are imploding. And I'm letting them. Maybe today is just a bump in the road but it doesn't feel like it.

Stalling For Time

I don't know what I want to write about and I haven't felt compelled to write during the past week. I also haven't been to the gym during that same time period. On an unrelated note, I really like that band Metric and I'm not sure why I only have just one of their albums.