Exfoliating Weekly

A Story in Podcast Form

2010-02-01T22:36:00.003-05:00

I recently wrote a story for the DIRTY HEAT podcast. An erotic story. Of the erotica variety. It's called "Saturday Morning" and is featured in episode one of Joodie's DIRTY HEAT podcast. Joodie has the sexiest voice. Go have a listen. And subscribe to her podcast (by dropping this link - http://www.joodie.libsyn.com/rss - into your iTunes). I'll be writing a few more stories and I think you might like them.

Where Do the Years Go

2009-01-17T23:22:00.002-05:00

I haven't updated in months. My updates for 2008 didn't amount to much. I don't have huge plans for that to change in 2009.

Overall, I'd like to think I have become a bit of a different person since starting this blog. It's a tough thing to quantify. A few months ago a female friend I see once a month or so (while we're both out drinking) mentioned that I'd seemed different over the past few months. That I had more confidence - a different air about me. I was happy she noticed and even happier she shared it with me. It put me in a great mood for the rest of the day.

I became more comfortable with myself in 2008. I talked to more strangers in 2008. I had more sex in 2008. I'd like to see these trends continue.

Toward the end of the summer another friend, whom I hadn't seen in years, mentioned that I seemed like a much different person. I hadn't seen her since 2004. She found me more outgoing, more full of life. Basically, I think she was impressed to see that I'd become more of a person worth hanging around. While she and her husband were spending time with mutual friends, it was said to them that I was too much of a "player" for any of her single friends! So ridiculous! Just because I shared one story about a fun-filled day of pancakes, seduction and milkshakes.

I think all of this progress with my confidence and comfort level stems from thinking about who I am and what I want. And then taking actual steps to get there. Thinking through situations and actually introducing myself to people. And, during conversation, sharing stories and listening for good stories.

Hopefully, there are many more good stories to come.

Twitter

2008-11-04T00:47:00.001-05:00

I've decided to start using Twitter. Seems like it might be fun. My twitter posts can be found here.

Summer Nap

2008-09-02T08:59:00.002-04:00

Maybe I'm coming out of a summertime nap. I'm in the mood to start writing again. And maybe in the mood to have adventures for the first time in my life.

A few nights ago I was having a conversation with a friend and I asked if he ever got on those rolls where he was just making out with a lot of women (a lot for us, meaning two or three over the course of a few days). They only last a week or so for me. And I only find myself in that situation every 8 months (if I'm lucky). He had no idea what I was talking about. And, sadly, by talking about it, I knew I was coming out of that brief stint. It's been three days and I'm going to get myself back into that mood.

The other day while walking to work I decided instead of saying everything is coming up roses, I would start saying everything is coming up walk signals. Because they were. Coming up. Walk signals. It was a fantastic feeling to the morning. At that point I thought Labor Day weekend was going to be full of dating. It wasn't, though. I want to have that feeling all the time.

a side job

2008-07-14T00:15:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I wonder if I could find a job being a phone & internet based dominant male for women who enjoy having a master. I assume women don't pay for those sorts of sexual activities.

I have trouble with focus

2008-03-04T08:29:00.002-05:00

A few days ago Bad Man asked why there are so few male sex bloggers. The answers he and those in the comments provide seem to have some backing and I'm not sure if I have more to add to that. If I could stay focused on one topic on a regular basis, I know I would love to have a sex blog. If I were having sex on a regular basis, I might even have fodder for a sex blog. As it is, I'll have to try to get by with an occasional masturbation blog entry.

This morning's paragraph might read:

Jerked off last night even though I told myself I wouldn't. Why is it at the later hours when I'm at the computer my left hand inevitably falls into my lap. And I'm never wearing pants. And, whoa, how did that happen? My right hand has led me to some sort of website with naked women. I should stop pretending that all this happens in a blink of an eye and without my knowledge. I take my time getting worked up online and I often try to incorporate a few folks I trade IM's with into my fantasies. Of course, last night was about watching little flash videos then coming really hard and falling right to sleep.

Headache

2008-02-12T22:21:00.002-05:00

I think I have a headache caused by caffeine withdrawal. I didn't realize I was drinking that much soda lately - a Diet Dr. Pepper here, a Diet Dr. Pepper there. I guess it started to add up. I'm certain this headache has nothing to do with drinking too much bourbon last night. If three bourbons was too many, then it's time to stop drinking.

I'm not dating anyone. There is no dating on the horizon. I ate pizza for dinner last night and pizza for dinner again tonight. I am falling apart and I don't know how to break out of this spiral.

My plans for scrubbing away the old me are imploding. And I'm letting them. Maybe today is just a bump in the road but it doesn't feel like it.

Stalling For Time

2008-01-19T17:11:00.000-05:00

I don't know what I want to write about and I haven't felt compelled to write during the past week. I also haven't been to the gym during that same time period. On an unrelated note, I really like that band Metric and I'm not sure why I only have just one of their albums.

I'm a Grump

2008-01-10T22:52:00.000-05:00

It's two steps forward three steps back with me. I just got back from a date with BourbonRed. We had a fun time, but I don't think there was any discernible romantic interest on her part. Basically, I don't know how to have first dates. And this is so annoying to me. Conversation was good. Patter back and forth was fun and friendly. Is it that I just don't know how to build attraction? Can I even take myself seriously if I'm using a phrase like "build attraction?" Sooner or later I'm going to have to just give in and learn to love dating...because right now I hate it.

Wishy-Washy isn't the correct term

2008-01-08T09:36:00.001-05:00

Here's the deal - I don't know what I want. I want friendship to lead to dating to lead to a serious relationship. All with the right person. That's the pipe dream. After wanting that for almost a decade plus now I realize that's not going to happen. It almost happened once, but that was a long time ago.

Part of this "scrubbing away the old me" persona is about taking on the responsibility of figuring out my own social life. I'm semi-chronicling the navigation of my meeting people and dating them. I also tell myself that I'm doing this for more than the chance to come up with mostly obvious nicknames. I also feel like I'm in the late stages of high school, and wanting to date a million people all at once.

Because it's early on maybe the most gorgeous January Tuesday Brooklyn will see all Winter, I'm not really focused on drawing conclusions. In the spirit of trying to get my head straightened out, let me provide an update on my current dating situation:

ScoreBoard - I'm 99% sure she's out, even if my eyes always fluttered and my heart skipped the tiniest of beats when I'd hear her voice after calling. She's currently "busy with work" and "will call me."

The Divorcee (two E's) - We've made out twice. She doesn't live in town. She's best friends with a friend of mine. This situation feels very tricky. We're currently emailing. She has also admitted to having had a crush on me.

BookClub - There was the incident with the Swedish Fish and I drunkenly emailed her a somewhat flirty message when I got home from that meeting. Said email went out Sunday night. I've yet to hear back from her. I think a phone call may be in order.

BourbonRed - Have I mentioned her, yet? I know she came up briefly as a "friend of a friend." We were on a sort of semi-date with the friend and her boyfriend a few weeks ago. The holidays certainly complicated things. We've spoken on the phone multiple times and are scheduled to go out later this week.

Looking over this list, I feel like I want to spend a little more time with all of these people to figure out how we get along. I don't want to rule any of them out.

Drunken Sunday Afternoon

2008-01-06T19:55:00.001-05:00

This is where I should mention BookClub drunkenly eating a Swedish Fish out of my lips. I wanted to kiss her then but I fear PDA!!!

Not on a Date

2008-01-03T20:45:00.000-05:00

I'm currently at home. Tonight I was supposed to be on a date with ScoreBoard. I called her last night to arrange the specific details for tonight's date. She returned my message with the news that she was busy at work and expected to be busy for the foreseeable future...and that she'd call me when things slowed. I was upbeat on the phone but last night I was pretty disappointed about the whole thing.

I'm off to the gym in a few minutes. I haven't worked out in days and I'm going to fight my way through this weather.

ugh

2007-12-30T03:23:00.000-05:00

i don't know what this post is about. i've been drinking.

also, i have been out of facial tissues for four or five or six days.. obviously that sucks for masturbation, but whatever. i've handled it. moreso, it sucks for blowing your nose. tissues are most key for that. if you use toilet paper (as i've done the past few days) the paper gets caught in your stubble. very sightly. but i'm at home. not a huge deal.

also, i think i am a slut.

i'm at the point where if my friends are having a party i will go and i will find the two single women. i will flirt with both. i made out with one. i wanted to slide my hand between her legs but all i could manage was asking her if she was wet. she was coy with her answer. during my walk home i realized i should've told her to put her hands between her legs, slider her finger into her pussy and then let me taste her. i love tasting women.

anyyyyway. she went home with the friends with whom she is staying. i may see her on new years. for now, i'll call her THE DIVORCEE (ONE E OR TWO?). fantastic nippes. yes, definitely. i wish she was in my bed right now and that my fingers were probing the folds of her labia. oh well.

this will not turn into a rant about how my friends live the perfect distance from the bus. i walked home from their party. the bus got to my stop just as i did. oh, fudge.

UPDATE (12/30 - 10:17pm):

I've just learned THE DIVORCEE (TWO E'S) has apparently had a crush on me for years.

drunk posting equals bad idea

2007-12-28T02:05:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I thought about posting about masturbation. I dismissed that idea. Today I thought I'd never post again. Tonight I just want to mention that I'm almost at the breaking out of my shell point. Something is going to put me over the hump. I just don't know what it is yet.

A First Date Follow-Up

2007-12-20T08:22:00.000-05:00

Last night I had a rather bland first date with ScoreBoard. I didn't mentally prepare for the date despite suggesting that I would. I fell back into my old first date habits. We enjoyed a drink at the bar. The conversation was light and fun and maybe a tad shy of flirtatious. We sipped that first drink and were enjoying each other's company enough that we ordered a second round. By the end of that bourbon I think the energy we'd built up had slipped.

Having a fine time out with a new person is a totally OK thing. Unfortunately, it wasn't date-y enough. With the upcoming Christmas holiday it's hard to say if there will be a second date. The time I spent with ScoreBoard tonight wasn't a bad time, but it wasn't overly encouraging for creating a deeper romantic relationship. There was no making out, hand-holding or arm-linking as I walked her to the subway.

I'm now happy to use this date as a baseline to realizing what I don't want to have happen on a date. Later this week I'm spending time with some friends, who have conveniently invited their friend to join us. The friend they've invited? The woman who gave me her number the other night. Because I'm hooked on creating fake names in this blog, we'll call her BourbonRed.

After Bad Man suggested calling, not texting, I placed a call to BourbonRed. She and I had a wandering 25 minute conversation. Due to hitches in holiday schedules (that made me jealous of her vacations), we didn't make any specific plans. Now I'm glad to hear my friends are helping out by inviting us both out Friday night.

First Dates

2007-12-18T08:39:00.000-05:00

During the weekend I had a short conversation with a very good friend about dating. A first date I had right before Thanksgiving came up and as I was telling him about it, it dawned on me that I'm terrible at first dates. That I need to "figure out" how to have a first date. Very Good Friend and I were roommates for years. He knows me pretty well. "EJM, you've always been terrible at first dates. You've said before that they're one of your sticking points." He was right.

Now I realize I need to learn how to have good first dates AND I need to learn how to remember to learn from my mistakes! For some reason I think if I set up a date, show up on time and wear reasonably clean clothes my sparkling personality and sometimes cynical nature will get me through the night. Before going into the date I don't think about what's going to happen, or what I want to have happen. I just imagine ordering a drink and then calming myself down by repeating "just be yourself." I'm going to stop doing this. "Myself" on a first date is always a little shy and nervous.

I have a first date Wednesday night with the woman I made out with at the party Saturday night. For the purposes of this blog, I'll call her ScoreBoard (please, get your mind off of notches on my bedpost. For now.). ScoreBoard and I are headed to a friendly, casual bar in the neighborhood where she works. I haven't been there in years, but I suggested it. It's not fancy. Sometimes fancy makes me uncomfortable (I need to get past this, I really do).

I'm currently approaching Wednesday's date with the idea that we'll have one drink and I'll play it by ear from there. See! I've got a date and I still don't have a plan in place. I have 36 hours to come up with a good-date scenario for myself. I feel like a contestant about to be kicked off Project Runway.

busy weekend

2007-12-17T00:39:00.000-05:00

Friday around 10:30 pm at the grocery store I mumbled something to a woman about the wacky new kinds of chocolate chips (peanut butter chocolate??!!??) available in front of us in the baking isle. She didn't respond. Not a huge deal, but I'm happy I said something. As always, "baby steps."

Also, I met a woman at a party Saturday night. We made out in the stairwell & lobby as we were exiting the building. She and I texted back and forth today. I hinted at flirty, but she pulled back from that a tiny bit. I need to call her tomorrow and set up a date for this week. I'd like to make something happen before I leave town this weekend. My hope tomorrow is to come up with a casual "fun" sort of date.

Tonight at a party there was no kissing (only 1-3 single women there) but I got the phone number of a friend of a friend. I plan to text her in the next day or two. Not sure what my full intentions are, but I'm very curious to where things will go.

Perceptions of Sex Work

2007-12-14T00:43:00.001-05:00

At various points during the past ten years I've wondered what it would be like to be some sort of professional (or semi-professional) phone sex worker. I've also had thoughts about writing erotica. I mention these two things because over the past few days I've read two blog posts about sex work that have been pretty interesting and revealing.

Dominatrix Next Door confronts her recent work week in a post called "Prickly." Discussing issues of body image and the way people treat people she relates "I signed up to sell sex, which is something I do, not to strive to be sex." I think she's mostly joking when she suggests "of course sex work is probably just reinforcing all these beauty myths I hate." Having read her blog for the past two months I get the sense she's a strong woman and that it's just had a down week. It sucks that she has to encounter attitudes like she has. And I feel for her that she struggles with perception of herself and her role within the sex industry. Since early in my college years I've considered myself a feminist. Put me down in the column for people taking charge of their lives and controlling their images. I hope the rest of the month is a good one for her.

La Coquette recently wrote about her work in the sex industry. She's got a few different jobs and one of them involves sending and responding to dirty text messages. She admits "I adore it. It requires quick wit, intelligence and a rather large dose of common sense." And working at a "boutique fetish phone sex agency" is another job she describes in a bit of detail. It's not something I'd ever thought of. The idea of keeping track of what clients like and how to please them and also keeping tabs on the things they like - dresses and shoes and restaurants. It's all quite fascinating.

The experiences of these two women are worth reading and thinking about. They reveal sides of the sex industry I can't say I think about on a daily basis and I'm glad there are people out there sharing these stories.

Neither Here nor There

2007-12-12T22:22:00.001-05:00

Sometimes freckles on a woman are the most delicious thing.

Some Random Dates

2007-12-11T00:21:00.000-05:00

I just cleaned out products from the cabinet beneath my sink. I think I got rid of hair gel I bought in 1997. I'm pretty sure sunscreen from 1999 was disposed of. I saved a sealed toothbrush from my dentist (probably acquired less than 5 years ago). A bottle of calcium vitamins that expired in 2002 saw the trash bin. I think they were left from an old roommate. I kept the miscellaneous bars of Ivory soap that have been there since the turn of the century. I'm not sure why. I should get up right now and get rid of them. I haven't used bar soap in ages. As the title of this blog suggests, I like exfoliating - my liquid soaps need to have some bubbles or pebbles or whatever they have that gives them texture.

Next on the List

2007-12-07T22:16:00.000-05:00

I can't say for certain that I talked to a stranger this week. I did smile at someone in the lobby of my office building this afternoon. She smiled back.

Yesterday morning I had a brief elevator conversation with a woman about the weather. I was funny. She smiled. As the doors were closing she told me to have a good day.

I went out last night and was out for 5 1/2 hours. I managed to pace myself and only drink 3 1/2 bourbons (and two diet cokes). I'm looking forward to more pacing and less wild, drunken idiotic conversation in my future.

All small strides, to be sure.

The big thing that's next on my list is something I've been thinking about for three months - probably longer. My apartment isn't a mess, but it's not as nice as I want it to be. It's not as organized as I want it to be. I came home today and I was tired. I want to take a nap. I also want to get started on cleaning my apartment. There's too much stuff in it. There are too many half-finished projects. Next on the list of improving myself, of shedding my skin and becoming the new me, is the transformation of my apartment. I want it to be somewhere calm, yet interesting - somewhere in which I can be productive and focused.

When reading the archives of A Bad Man in a Bad Place I found an entry in which he discussed personal finance. It was like a light going off for me - a "duh, of course everything about how you manage your life is all related" moment. Attracting women, having control of your finances, being in physical shape and being comfortable with yourself and your environment is all related. On some level, I'm sure I knew this. I'm glad I've got a handle on my finances - I didn't for all of my twenties. I hate myself for not having that kind of thing figured out when I was 22. Why didn't someone take me aside and lay it all for me?

Now I'm in my early-to-mid 30's and trying to figure the rest out for myself. I guess that notion of it never being too late better be true.

More later as I lay out an exact plan of attack for making my apartment a more comfortable place. Am I not looking in the right place for home cleaning/decorating tips? I'm not looking to spend money, but I'm also looking to organize properly and motivate.

Oh, Drinking, Why Are You So Bad

2007-12-06T08:16:00.000-05:00

Last night I was at a local bar with some friends and acquaintances who are on the way to becoming friends. This was the same place, and some of the same people, from Saturday afternoon. I drank too much Saturday afternoon and got the report today. I was reminded that I went from sober to tipsy to very drunk very quickly (that's what having just a bowl of cereal for breakfast will do to a person when it's past lunchtime).

I can't tell from these reports if I made a fool of myself or if I was a fun, playful, obviously drunk guy. There were stories of my interrupting a conversation or two. And reports of me being very touchy-feely (not my normal state - but I'm much more touchy-feely now than I was at, say, 19) with my arms draped around friends and sometimes strangers. The two new acquaintances who are on the the way to becoming friends said the remarked afterward they had a good time hanging out with me.

Overall, I'll take this report 60/40 positive, with the plan to find myself in that overly friendly mode without the excessive alcohol. By doing so, I hope to be able to control my interactions a little more smoothly and also last a little longer without needing to be stuffed into a cab for the short trip home (not that I took a cab home last Saturday - I'm a big believer in the Brooklyn bus system).

As for the social vibe last night, there weren't more than a handful of women in the bar. I had a very brief conversation with a woman who had had a little interaction with my group earlier in the night. She and I talked about where we worked and another sentence or two was thrown in. She then went outside to join her friends for cigarettes (oh, how I'm happy to be an ex-smoker, and, oh, do I really miss it sometimes). I thought I'd be be able to continue the conversation when she returned but she ended up huddled around a table with her two friends and they didn't seem very approachable. Next time, next time.

Monday Night Ramble

2007-12-03T22:01:00.000-05:00

Many of the PUA blogs I've perused spend a fair amount of time discussing football. I'm familiar with the importance of the outside linebacker but my interest in all things pigskin related is pretty minimal (but I do love a good strip of bacon now and again).

This morning's walk between the subway and my office had me thinking that I should start coming up with a list of ways that I've managed to improve myself each day/week/month. To me, this sounds suspiciously like laying out a handful of GOALS. And that just sounds dreadful. And self-help book-y. I think the time to get past my fear of all things self-improvement related has arrived. What am I really afraid of?

Based on my notes from last week, you'd think goal #1 would involve talking to a stranger. And that's high on the list. So, heck, yeah. Let's make that goal #1. Officially stated and all that mumbo jumbo. By the end of Friday night I must approach one total stranger in an environment where I wouldn't normally approach a stranger - ie, it can't be someone I work with I've never talked with.

Over the next few hours and days I'll start coming up with a goal #2 - probably something unrelated.

Drat

2007-12-02T19:09:00.000-05:00

I signed up for crazyblinddate almost a month ago. I had no luck arranging a date in Brooklyn that first night and sort of let the site slip to the side. Then I was out of town for vacation. Yesterday, I put my hat back into the ring. I uploaded a new photo and made myself available for a date anytime this afternoon/evening in Brooklyn and lower Manhattan.

And I almost had a potential date lined up, but I didn't check the right email account in time. Thirty minutes ago I signed onto the website to check my prospects and I was only able to give the woman 5 minutes to confirm that she was interested in a date with me. So many logistics at work here! I'm in the online crazy blind date dating pool for the next few hours. Perhaps there will be another spike in opportunity?

Friday night I failed to talk with anyone at the Strand Annex. I was also unable to bring myself to approach any strangers at a chain bookstore in Brooklyn. This is where I should mention that I don't recall seeing anyone I wanted to approach in those stores. Today I went to another bookstore in Brooklyn. It was mobbed with holiday shoppers. I bought the book I needed for the book club I'm in and exited the store, in search of letterpress gift cards (which I found, but for the cost of them, I almost feel like I should rustle up a few friends and just buy our own letterpress).

On the talking to strangers front, the weekend was a bit of a failure but not one I'm going to get down about. Saturday afternoon was spent in a bar with friends and I did a fair amount of socializing. I also managed more than my fair share of drinking. Why is it that one afternoon drink can turn into four so quickly?

Random Notes (as if they aren't all...)

2007-11-29T23:13:00.001-05:00

I've returned from my Thanksgiving vacation trip.

Have I mentioned that I'm addicted the the classic R&B station on my cable system's MusicChoice channels? I am. "Classic R&B of the 50's to the 80's." I'm totally hooked. I want more. I need to find a good internet radio station that plays this kind of stuff. Anyone have any good suggestions?

My lips are seriously chapped. I'd suggest that means no kissing, but I haven't done any kissing in two and a half weeks.

I'm not admitting to being interested in the art or the con or the anything of pick-up. I'm curious, though. I like the idea of changing yourself, of becoming more the person you want to be. For me, that partly entails talking to more women. I need to be more outgoing. I need to stop my life of perpetual singledom.

While coming home from the gym tonight I saw an attractive woman on the street corner. She'd just gotten off the subway and looked a little lost. I wanted to say something. I wanted to offer directions. My mouth wouldn't open. I've been reading PUA blogs for the past three weeks. You'd think they'd have had some sort of influence when it comes to that ridiculous truth of overcoming "approach anxiety." No dice. And I even looked back at her after I was twenty feet past. She was still twirling about, obviously lost. My head said "turn back, go offer directions." I didn't. I came home and took a shower.

My takeaway from the non-encounter tonight is that I'm at least recognizing people I want to talk with. I'm identifying situations in which I can see myself starting a conversation. A month ago I hadn't even thought of this kind of thing. Let's hope I'll have talked to at least one stranger by the end of the weekend. Yes, I realize that goal is terribly small. Mentally, though, it's huge.

Tomorrow night I've got to visit a bookstore to purchase a book for a book club I'm in. Women at bookstores on Friday night are totally up for talking with men buying graphic novels, right?

At This Again

2007-11-17T21:49:00.000-05:00

Every so often I try my hand at blogging. This time I've chosen dating and relationships as my topic of choice.

This post is a placeholder until I feel a little more comfortable with describing myself and what I may or may not chronicle here.

Thanksgiving is coming up. I'll be going out of town soon.